The big things…

We live in a wonderful duplex apartment, we moved there in December of last year. during the summer it was nice and cool. But now that Winter is here, we are freezing! The leather couches are not helping much…

So we got some nice big warm flees blankets that stay downstairs permanently… and to my son this means cuddle time, our only problem is that its to cold to sit up straight so we all want to sit curled up on the couches and there is just not enough room for all three of us to fit on one couch! We have 3 to choose from 2 being perfect for the whole curling up thing, so one of us is always sitting apart from the other two.

In this I’m like Sheldon: “That’s my spot!” and no one sits in it… so my boys need to rotate where they sit. But even though we cant all cuddle together on the same couch, evenings are a time of togetherness. We eat together and laugh together, we watch series together and my boys, big and small, sit on the floor playing Lego, together!

I don’t understand families who eat their meals separately, and at different times… how are you supposed to know whats going on in each others lives if you don’t take 30 minutes out of your busy life to talk! Meals are cooked together, discussing our day and our plans or just goofing around.

So many parents complain that they don’t understand why their kids don’t talk to them about the big things in their lives… i just shake my head thinking “you never taught them how to discuss the small things why should they trust you with the big things!” 

Every morning on the way to drop my son off at school, we talk… we turn the music down and talk about what we dreamed the previous night. And if you cant remember you make one up. This is fun and usually way out there, but the result is that we have a constant open stream of communication. So when the big things happen he tells us in exactly the same way… because he knows he will be listened to, because he has always been listened to!

Talking to your kids and talking with your kids, in my opinion is as different as Diamonds and Dung… they are not fashion accessories to be seen and not heard! They have been placed in your care to shape and mold into something resembling a human-being at some point. Yes you will make mistakes, yes you will hit your head against the teenage “I hate you!” more often than you  care to admit or thought possible. This doesn’t excuse you from your responsibilities as a parent, I see it this way, if your kid at some point does not say they hate you you’re doing something wrong…

The “I hate you” is usually shouted right after you said NO to a boy girl all night party without parent supervision or NO to them staying up late on a school night in the middle of exams. In that case I take that “I hate you” and translate it to “I might hate you now but one day when I’m all grown I’ll think back on all the things you have done for me and I’ll remember to call you on mothers day to remind you I love you”.

To the big things and the little things… I hear you!

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